| OTOBIYOGRAFI 1902'de dogdum dogdugum sehre dönmedim bir daha geriye dönmeyi sevmem üç yasimda Halep'te pasa torunlugu ettim on dokuzumda Moskova'da komünist Üniversite ögrenciligi kirk dokuzumda yine Moskova'da Tseka-Parti konuklugu ve on dördümden beri sairlik ederim kimi insan otlarin kimi insan baliklarin çesidini bilir ben ayriliklarin kimi insan ezbere sayar yildizlarin adini ben hasretlerin hapislerde de yattim büyük otellerde de açlik çektim açlik girevi de içinde ve tatmadigim yemek yok gibidir otuzumda asilmami istediler kirk sekizimde Baris Madalyasinin bana verilmesini verdiler de otuz altimda yarim yilda geçtim dört metre kare betonu elli dokuzumda on sekiz saatta uçtum Pirag'dan Havana'ya Lenin'i görmedim nöbet tuttum tabutunun basinda 924'de 961'de ziyaret ettigim anitkabri kitaplaridir partimden koparmaga yeltendiler beni sökmedi yikilan putlarin altinda da ezilmedim 951'de bir denizde genç bir arkadasla yürüdüm üstüne ölümün 52'de çatlak bir yürekle dört ay sirtüstü bekledim ölümü sevdigim kadinlari deli gibi kiskandim su kadarcik haset etmedim Sarlo'ya bile aldattim kadinlarimi konusmadim arkasindan dostlarimin içtim ama aksamci olmadim hep alnimin teriyle çikardim ekmek parami ne mutlu bana baskasinin hesabina utandim yalan söyledim yalan söyledim baskasini üzmemek için ama durup dururken de yalan söyledim bindim tirene uçaga otomobile çogunluk binemiyor operaya gittim çogunluk gidemiyor adini bile duymamis operanin çogunlugun gittigi kimi yerlere de ben gitmedim 21'den beri camiye kiliseye tapinaga havraya büyücüye ama kahve falima baktirdigim oldu yazilarim otuz kirk dilde basilir Türkiye'mde Türkçemle yasak kansere yakalanmadim daha yakalanmam da sart degil basbakan filan olacagim yok meraklisi da degilim bu isin bir de harbe girmedim siginaklara da inmedim gece yarilari yollara da düsmedim pike yapan uçaklarin altinda ama sevdalandim altmisima yakin sözün kisasi yoldaslar bugün Berlin'de kederden gebermekte olsam da insanca yasadim diyebilirim ve daha ne kadar yasarim basimdan neler geçer daha kim bilir Nazim Hikmet - 1961
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AUTOBIOGRAPHY I was born in 1902 I never went back to my birthplace I don't like to turn back at three I served as a pasha's grandson in Aleppo at nineteen as a student at Moscow Communist University at forty-nine I was back in Moscow as the Tcheka Party's guest and I've been a poet since I was fourteen some people know all about plants some about fish I know separation some people know the names of the stars by heart I recite absences I've slept in prisons and in grand hotels I've known hunger even a hunger strike and there's almost no food I haven't tasted at thirty they wanted to hang me at forty-eight to give me the Peace Prize which they did at thirty-six I covered four square meters of concrete in half a year
at fifty-nine I flew from Prague to Havana in eighteen hours
I never saw Lenin I stood watch at his coffin in '24
in '61 the tomb I visit is his books
they tried to tear me away from my party
it didn't work
nor was I crushed under the falling idols
in '51 I sailed with a young friend into the teeth of death
in '52 I spent four months flat on my back with a broken heart
waiting to die
I was jealous of the women I loved
I didn't envy Charlie Chaplin one bit
I deceived my women
I never talked my friends' backs
I drank but not every day
I earned my bread money honestly what happiness
out of embarrassment for others I lied
I lied so as not to hurt someone else
but I also lied for no reason at all
I've ridden in trains planes and cars
most people don't get the chance
I went to opera
most people haven't even heard of the opera
and since '21 I haven't gone to the places most people visit
mosques churches temples synagogues sorcerers
but I've had my coffee grounds read
my writings are published in thirty or forty languages
in my Turkey in my Turkish they're banned
cancer hasn't caught up with me yet
and nothing says it will
I'll never be a prime minister or anything like that
and I wouldn't want such a life
nor did I go to war
or burrow in bomb shelters in the bottom of the night
and I never had to take to the road under diving planes
but I fell in love at almost sixty
in short comrades
even if today in Berlin I'm croaking of grief
I can say I've lived like a human being
and who knows
how much longer I'll live
what else will happen to me
Nazim Hikmet
(this autobiography was written
in east Berlin on 11 September 1961)
Nazim Hikmet
(1902, Salonica - June 3, 1963, Moscow)
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